She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
