if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
