God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
