y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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