He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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