I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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