O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
