you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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