hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
