She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He did a backflip because drugs
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
