Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
