He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
