I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i believe in u and ur pee
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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