Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
