He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
