He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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