I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my sisters under your porch take her home
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize