at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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