i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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