idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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