all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
that may or may not have been my penis.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
