i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
