idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
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Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
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it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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