tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize