Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
