he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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