yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
