cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
