i robbed the continental breakfast last night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
