'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Randomize
