Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
