Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The Olympian is in my bed
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
