once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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