I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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