i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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