I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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