She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
