dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
