After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
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I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
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Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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