Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My hand turned me down
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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