i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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