im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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