fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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