I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
