White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
