i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
