yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
