never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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