I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
