Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
