I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
