i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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