forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
