When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
