Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
