Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
