I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
