The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
