Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
