the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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