Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
