Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
