So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My vagina is very pro this idea
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
