He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
