fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Two words: blizzard sex
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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