look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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