I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
