come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
