Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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