Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening