Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I smell stomach acid.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
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i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
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It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?