Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.

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(978): every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y. http://tfl.nu/xtds

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(512): View more from Texas

If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.

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(512): If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch. http://tfl.nu/hocy

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.

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(570): jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along. http://tfl.nu/kf9k

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(315): View more from New York

You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.

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(315): You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser. http://tfl.nu/232e

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(513): View more from Ohio

There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.

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(513): There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer. http://tfl.nu/7obs

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(612): View more from Minnesota

we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.

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(612): we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour. http://tfl.nu/nwj9

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

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(919): I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever http://tfl.nu/iy56

Replies (51) Good night (10824) Bad night (1082)
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(561): View more from Florida

Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed

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(561): Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed http://tfl.nu/ippt

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.

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(250): Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team. http://tfl.nu/f49a

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now

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(+44): I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now http://tfl.nu/a890

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(980): View more from North Carolina

I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?

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(980): I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap? http://tfl.nu/ykcv

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.

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(412): There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever. http://tfl.nu/yvee

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(541): View more from Oregon

Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.

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(541): Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk. http://tfl.nu/effc

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.

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(403): Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit. http://tfl.nu/379t

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.

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(+44): You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste. http://tfl.nu/s042

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