Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila