I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs