does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
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My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
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This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n