I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.