I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
