The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex