Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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