i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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