im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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