You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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