God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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